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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 5:57:33 GMT -5
This is something I just talked about with my therapist over the weekend.
The overall goal pretty much "Crap happens that we can't control. So, don't blame yourself or anyone else."
I realized how in every bad scenario someone gets blamed, and the reasons are always bad. But we always want to blame someone because we always want to find a reason something happened. And we want the reason because we want to try to control / prevent it from ever happening again. But we can't. Sometimes bad things will happen, but we have to just shake it off.
It was such a good session that I wanted to share.
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Post by Blexrude on Mar 25, 2019 6:19:20 GMT -5
Wow, we DO do that, even when we aren't involved. We do that with news stories. We always pick someone to blame.
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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 6:19:45 GMT -5
Right and I felt that it was interesting. There isn't always a person at fault and a lot of times there's no REASON something happened.
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Post by God is Love on Mar 25, 2019 6:20:20 GMT -5
That's a super interesting perspective. I blame myself all the time and think of what I could have done differently to prevent certain outcomes.
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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 6:21:05 GMT -5
The thing now is, I don't know if I feel good or bad about this.
If "crap just happens" then does that mean I can't have any control over anything that happens in my life? But there's that word again. Control. She says it's wrong/useless for us to try to control everything.
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Post by accuber on Mar 25, 2019 6:21:43 GMT -5
Control is such a weird word. I don't look at it as bad. Isn't it just about wanting structure and order?
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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 6:22:24 GMT -5
^Right. That's how I saw it and still see it. What's wrong with wanting good things to happen? What's wrong with following the law, being nice, and expecting to live a peaceful life?
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Post by accuber on Mar 25, 2019 6:22:50 GMT -5
I guess her point is that you can do all those good things, but you can't prevent other people from being jerks to you. You only have control over your own behavior.
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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 6:23:42 GMT -5
I guess you're right. And I guess that goes back to me wanting to control everything because I'd go "why was that person so mean? I was always nice to them?"
I'm searching for reasons, or places to blame, etc.
She's smart!!
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Post by accuber on Mar 25, 2019 6:24:11 GMT -5
You also can't be so carefree though and go "who gives a sh*t, life has no consequences" because I don't think that's what she meant either.
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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 6:24:41 GMT -5
No. I know she didn't mean that. This is just a lot to process. I'm trying to find a way to find comfort in the session.
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Post by accuber on Mar 25, 2019 6:25:13 GMT -5
You don't have to control how you feel. Feel what you feel.
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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 6:25:40 GMT -5
This is getting too deep. So, I'm supposed to just be upset even when it's irrational?
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Post by accuber on Mar 25, 2019 6:26:11 GMT -5
I think you have to feel what you feel. Not repress your emotions. Then, then can work through your emotions and cope.
Repression is the cousin of denial.
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Post by Abyssinian on Mar 25, 2019 6:26:58 GMT -5
I think you're so right. I have to stop thinking that I have to hide how I Feel all the time.
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