Struggling with Intimacy in My Relationship

[AshleyInWonderland]

Ive delt with the same issue you basically need to sit him down and express your need for intimacy and try to work out a way to do it if its physical scheduling a date and time can do wonders surprisingly and for emotional try to organise a date night.

[mynameisfred]

Do you know why he has a “wall up” or are you just in the dark here? Has the relationship always been like this?

[luciddreams]

mynameisfred,
His physical problems started in the past year. It hasn't been forever. He's not emotionally expressive.

[mynameisfred]

Hmm, are you certain he’s still full committed? Obviously we don’t have the whole picture, recent death in the family, something that would cause him to be struggling despite you? I know when my mother in law passed my husband was very lost and very distant for quite some time. But if there is no relevant events for his shift in behavior I would be concerned he’s lost some of the spark/care for the relationship as a whole. Passions definitely die down over the years. I’m on year 15 with my husband and we certainly have our own struggles.

[luciddreams]

mynameisfred,
He's never "been with" another woman. So, he's committed to me yes. I was his first and only. He might be sad over the loss of work that happened 2 years ago, but I guess I don't know if that affects other things.

[mynameisfred]

One of my friends relationship just ended in divorce who had been together over 30 years.
Intimacy is something that should come naturally in a relationship that is flourishing. Perhaps small variations over the years but not a straight year of disjointed relations. Which is what it sounds like?
The commitment I am referencing is more of a spiritual(perhaps wrong word) one. I don’t mean “is he sleeping with anyone else?” I mean, he wants you and your relationship to flourish. He is happy with you. He is satisfied. He feels solid and believes in what you have together.

All people are different so it’s entirely possible I’m off base here. But if you don’t know there’s a problem, how can you fix it? Does he acknowledge there is a problem, even if he doesn’t want to work on it?

The day my husband stops wanting intimacy with me is the day I know I am doomed because he has a very high drive.

What are some things you can do to help rebuild the intimacy? If he refuses therapy. Do you go on dates regularly?

The job he lost, was he able to get a new one? Was he particularly passionate about it?

When you say he’s not emotionally expressive, you mean he doesn’t cry? He doesn’t communicate how he’s feeling?

I think it it were me, I would keep trying to have the uncomfortable conversations. He needs to understand how you are feeling and maybe it would help if you understood why he is behaving the way he is.

[luciddreams]

If there's a problem with us emotionally, he hasn't told me. We don't cook at home. So, we go out to eat together almost every night. They're not really romantic dates. I don't know what to do to rebuild that if he's not willing to go to therapy or talk to his doctor more. He's doing contractor work and isn't not happy with it. He doesn't tell me how he's feeling. Most of the time it's just "fine" or "I don't know." He is a crier though if it comes down to something that upsets him.

[Fatal Rewind]

Sept 19, 2024 19:22:22 GMT -5 luciddreams said:

I can't help but feel like there’s something a bit off.

Usually your gut feeling's right, unfortunately. Especially when he won't talk about things through therapy even after his doctor suggested it. That's bad. To get help you need to admit you need it first.

Have you tried looking him up on the MyLife web site? That might provide a clue if something happened to him that you don't know about, it might not. Worth a try though especially since you can build up a profile on him for free; if there's nothing there you can just stop. If not, there's details they won't provide you for with a free search but for only $1 they can be unlocked for three days. Could be this is just some emotional thing that can't even be found for them though but it's a thought, at least.