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Post by Idan Keys on May 8, 2013 5:26:15 GMT -5
Why can I only fall in love if I know they will return the feelings?
I can't/don't develop feelings for people on dates. It's like I sit there trying to read them, instead of getting to know them.
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Post by Topanga on May 8, 2013 8:31:58 GMT -5
You have to get hurt before you can understand love.
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Lost in Time
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2013 9:43:24 GMT -5
no idea but tell me if you find out lol
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Post by Wickil on May 8, 2013 10:02:35 GMT -5
How long do you date these people? Do you just "read" them the entire time you are dating them? What are you trying to find by "reading" them?
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Post by Idan Keys on May 8, 2013 10:43:50 GMT -5
By read them, I guess I mean I spend too much time analyzing their words and trying to figure out if they are lying or not. If I dont feel a connection in 2 weeks I call it quits.
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Post by Wickil on May 8, 2013 11:03:33 GMT -5
So it sounds like you have massive trust issues that you need to work on.
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Post by Idan Keys on May 8, 2013 11:10:03 GMT -5
Definitely I need help with that. All advice is welcome.
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Post by ЯΛVΣП on May 8, 2013 11:22:12 GMT -5
Everyone has their own trust issues to work out, you will find someone for you soon enough.  |
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Post by Wickil on May 8, 2013 12:19:25 GMT -5
Definitely I need help with that. All advice is welcome. Side-stepping the opposite of advice up there, I'd say the one thing that has really helped me is realizing that if they're with you, they want to be with you. If they respect the relationship, and you, then they aren't going to do anything to disrespect you or the relationship. That might be different for me because I have a boyfriend and I'm not trying to get into a new relationship. I know it's a lot easier to trust someone you love than someone you've just met, but the only real fix, I think, is to just let yourself trust. Think critically about the worst thing that will happen if you trust someone. They break the trust, they disappoint you. That's it (which I know is a lot in the context of a LTR, but still). There's nothing you can do to prevent someone who doesn't respect you enough to respect a relationship with you from betraying your trust. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. So why treat every potential relationship like one that will end in an abuse of trust? If it happens, it happens; it won't be your fault for trusting them, it will be theirs for betraying that trust. And if you discover they have betrayed your trust, you move on and find someone else. But not everyone is out to lie/cheat/steal from you, and being overly suspicious early on is a great way to cheat yourself out of some potentially great relationships. On your next date, just listen. Don't judge, don't analyze, don't suspect. Do something where you don't have a chance to over-think everything they're saying. Do something fun that isn't just sitting around doing the normal first date interview, which sucks for everyone. Do something that will let you see who your date is with their guard down. And MOST IMPORTANTLY: let your own guard down. Share things about yourself that you wouldn't normally. Do things that make you feel silly. Be. Just this once, and see how it goes. |
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Post by Idan Keys on May 8, 2013 15:21:05 GMT -5
You're so right. It makes so much sense in my head, but I dont know why I am so scared of getting hurt. I guess I fall into that old saying "If you don't fall in love, you can't get hurt." I throw everything away before it happens, and I guess I'm just hurting myself. You are right. I cant go into things expecting people to disappoint me. I guess I just need to experience things instead of expecting the worst. I'm probably missing out on a lot because of what I've been doing. I appreciate your advice April. |
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